Unrequited Yearning – Hidden Within

Today, my son would have turned 20. I am something of an expert on yearning. It could be said I have mastered the topic.   My yearning isn’t limited to wanting my son alive. My yearnings run the gamut from craving new babies, new dogs, new careers, new homes, new clothes, new jewelry, new bags, and even new parents. It is a miracle and a testament to my marriage and therapist that the only thing I have never craved is a new husband or a new therapist. To be fair, sometimes I do crave a break from both of them. … Continue reading Unrequited Yearning – Hidden Within

SOMATIZING, CATASTROPHIZING, AND REALLY TAKING CARE OF MYSELF

Every now and then I can’t resist a bit of somatizing.  It usually occurs when I fall into a pattern of catastrophizing. Catastrophizing is when I start to get afraid that something normal is way worse than it really is.  This is my time of year for catastrophizing.  Somatizing always takes my mind off of it. The trick is to keep it under control and not let it get out of hand and become something real to worry about. It’s also contagious. If I start somatizing, next thing I know my household is complaining about something. Pretty soon, the vet has … Continue reading SOMATIZING, CATASTROPHIZING, AND REALLY TAKING CARE OF MYSELF

Closure is a myth – life isn’t linear and grief revisits

I scheduled cosmetic eye surgery for next Wednesday, a week before the anniversary of my son’s birth and a month before the anniversary of his death. This is always a bad time of year for me so I might as well lie in bed recuperating from elective surgery, since lying in bed is exactly where I will want to be. The amazing thing is that the scheduling is a coincidence, or at least unconsciously a coincidence. I have booked and cancelled this surgery repeatedly but this time I am going through with it. “Is it okay to have the surgery this time of … Continue reading Closure is a myth – life isn’t linear and grief revisits

The Blow Job Clause – Every Woman needs it in her Last Will and Testament

Several years ago, my second cousin called me to chat while I was taking a walk.  The conversation veered, or was steered by her, to the subject of her stepmother and the fight over her Dad’s inheritance. They had been married multiple decades and beneath surface civility, my cousins never liked their stepmother or her family.  “You and Steven need a blow job clause in your will,” she said.   As a non-practicing attorney, I was immediately interested.  “What’s a blow job clause?” “It’s a clause in the will to protect your kids.  If you die,” she said, “the first … Continue reading The Blow Job Clause – Every Woman needs it in her Last Will and Testament